Ulysses Club Inc - Ipswich Branch

Ulysses Club Inc - Ipswich Branch

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Travelling by Air this season?

Posted by Andy 'Macca' McCann on January 13, 2015 at 6:05 PM Comments comments (0)

For those who watched the Hobit, Must have cost a fortune,

 Really enjoyed this NON boring safety video

 www.youtube.com/embed/qOw44VFNk8Y

 

 

The perfect marriage?

Posted by Andy 'Macca' McCann on January 12, 2015 at 5:00 PM Comments comments (0)

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

 

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long ti...

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No words required...

Posted by Howza on January 11, 2015 at 12:35 AM Comments comments (2)

Have got a bad case of PMS right now...


Difference Between Complete and Finished Defined

Posted by Erik (Lumberjack) on January 8, 2015 at 2:40 AM Comments comments (0)

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished."

 

However, in a linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese was the clever winner.

 

His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished." Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

 

His respon...

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With apologies to my friends who have shorter legs than I do.....

Posted by Julz and Doogee on January 7, 2015 at 3:10 AM Comments comments (0)

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

New Years Eve Resolution.

Posted by Howza on December 31, 2014 at 6:35 AM Comments comments (1)


Girls night out

Posted by Erik (Lumberjack) on December 29, 2014 at 3:00 AM Comments comments (2)

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls'. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight,

 

'I promise!'

 

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

 

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times.

I was really p...

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new helmet

Posted by Anne on December 21, 2014 at 5:50 PM Comments comments (5)

Laughs!

Beard Check

Posted by Marita on December 18, 2014 at 5:30 PM Comments comments (2)

I thought this migh help us all clarify peoples status in the club... :D


 


Old Chicks

Posted by Mick on December 15, 2014 at 6:05 AM Comments comments (0)

I was sent this one the other day and I had a little chuckle so I thought I would share.  Enjoy!

Subject: FW: OLD CHICKS,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH.

Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the dr...

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hahaha

Posted by Anne on December 4, 2014 at 7:00 PM Comments comments (0)

Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office

Posted by Erik (Lumberjack) on December 2, 2014 at 5:20 AM Comments comments (0)

Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The aud...

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definitely

Posted by Anne on November 23, 2014 at 5:55 PM Comments comments (0)

:)

Posted by Anne on November 21, 2014 at 6:35 PM Comments comments (0)

wishing well :)

Posted by Anne on November 20, 2014 at 4:45 AM Comments comments (1)

Share our page and of those who do, 1 will win a shirt!

for all to enjoy (hopefully)

Posted by Anne on October 28, 2014 at 6:15 PM Comments comments (1)

Stephen Penman's photo.

Family values?

Posted by Howza on October 23, 2014 at 5:40 AM Comments comments (1)

Family values.

 

 Two men were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

___________________________________________

 A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,

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Some funnies sent my way.

Posted by John (Colonel Bow) on October 20, 2014 at 3:55 AM Comments comments (0)

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

 

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his ha nds on a rag and said...

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Engine repair

Posted by Howza on August 15, 2014 at 2:15 AM Comments comments (2)


Riddles

Posted by Ado on July 1, 2014 at 4:15 AM Comments comments (0)

Here are a couple of riddles. Have a go at them but if you don't know the answers then you will have to come to the Friday Information night to get them

Riddle #1 Until I am measured I am not known. Yet how you miss me when I have flown

Riddle #2. If you drop me I'm sure to crack, but give me a smile and I'll always smile back.

Riddle #3. What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

Riddle #4.It'...

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